Words and What to Do With Them
Forty years ago Maurice Sendak illustrated a book of definitions of words, definitions drawn from very young children. The title was “A hole is to dig.” Many of the definitions were action based. I have revived this way of defining words.
Mistakes are....resentments are....embarrassments are.....failures are....disappointments are....sadness is.....anger is......
First I will offer some definitions that are common but NOT so useful. Next I will offer ones that lead in more fruitful directions.
Mistakes are .........to be embarrassed by....to be counted, and subtracted from a perfect score....to be avoided.....
Mistakes are to be noticed, softly.....to be investigated.....to be studied.....to be double-clicked to reveal the fuller story....to be forgiven.....
Resentments are.....to be saved, like coins, you never know when you might need them....to be held close to the heart....to be shared with the object of the resentment, without particular attention to how the resentment is shared.
Resentments are to be identified.....resentments are to be studied; what is it that GETS you? What buttons are pressed? It’s your button; it’s your problem. the goal is to work toward being able to let go of resentments.
Embarrassments are...to be avoided, at all cost....to be embarrassed about, making a double embarrassment....to be angry at who ever caused them....to feel bad about
Embarrassments are signals of vulnerabilities....challenges to study what leads to the emotion.....challenges to get under the immediate embarrassment to the deeper vulnerability
Failures are to be embarrassed by....to be avoided....to lower our calculated self esteem....to be avoided
Failures are to be reassessed....were my expectations too great? was it too big a step? was there some support that I didn’t access?