To my great surprise I find myself praying more lately.
I don't think it has nearly as much to do with recent events out in the world as it does with a personal evolution.
I can remember saying prayers at night before going to sleep as a very young child. I was taught to do that and I went along with the program. In synagogue over the years I would read or try to read prayers in Hebrew but I wasn't really into it. There were times when I felt personally threatened and I would pray to be pulled out of the mess or for that disaster to be averted.
I connected praying with talking with God. As I wasn't so solid on my sense of God prayer came only when I was in big trouble, felt desperate, and seemed to regress.
Over the last few years prayer I find myself surprised to be doing more praying. A key figure in this evolution has been the American Buddhist author Pema Chodron whose work has provoked, inspired and guided me.
Here are some of the major themes:
Silently praying as a viable alternative to counter-productive talking out loud.
Prayer as a way of not being caught in seeing and thinking about the negative
Prayer as a way of locating and exercising the heart, the muscle of the compassion function
Prayer as a way of escaping excessive ego, solipsism and other variants of isolation
Silently praying as a viable alternative to counter-productive talking out loud.
As a psychotherapist I sit hour after hour with a great range of people as my patients. Some of them come in with their pain, frustration and stuckness and talk relatively openly about themselves and take in, listen, and consider what feedback I offer them. Others were at the other end of the continuum. No matter what I might say they responded with irritation, negation or blame. As I sat with the more tightly defended people I had the visualization that I was playing volleyball and that on the other side of the net was some giant basketball player, say of the stature of Shaquille O'Neill. And whenever I hit the ball over the net Shaquille would spike it back with great force. Not a pleasant visualization. Not a pleasant psychological situation that had prompted the visualization.
I began to cultivate a more internal silent response to the person I was sitting with , the person who responded to everything I said with negative energy. I said silently "You, well-defended patient are not so ready to hear anything I am saying, to accept any of the observations that I offer, so I'll stay quiet. I still care about you. I am quietly sending you my caring. I'm imagining a radiant warmth coming from me and beaming out to you."
Prayers small, medium and large
I’ve come to sort prayers by size Some prayers are really big. “May I feel complete peace. May my daughter find a career that is challenging and fulfilling.” They represent a vision of where we want things to go, some end state.
Recall the bumper sticker: “Think globally act locally.”
Giant step vs. baby step….
The giant step is important to visualize and imagine because it defines a direction, a hope, a vision. All obstacles are gone….you have flown there. You have gotten to the goal that is far off at the edge of the horizon.
The baby step is in the service of the larger vision. That Chinese proverb: “Longest journey begins with first step.”
This sorting of prayers serves several purposes.
If you are only used to small prayers, it might help to try some BIG prayers, to widen the scope of your own vision of where you want and hope things to go.
If you are only used to big prayers, it might help to try some SMALL prayers, to sensitize yourself to all the local stops along the way to the desired destination.